Arama They Didn't

8:07 pm - 07/08/2012

10 things foreign guys do that make Japanese girls fall head over heels




While marriage rates in Japan have been declining overall, a growing number of Japanese women seem to be giving up on their male counterparts and dating foreign men.

So what is it about foreign guys that draws Japanese women to them? Kanae Hara at Gow Magazine writes: “Just this year, I’ve had one friend get married to an American and another to an Australian. Both of them moved overseas with their partners. They both tell me that foreigners are more expressive with their love and make them feel happy to have been born a woman.“

Hara continues by sharing 10 ways foreign guys express their affection that make their Japanese girlfriends fall head over heels. We’ve translated the list below, so be sure to take notes if you’re looking for some pointers on how to woo a Japanese girl!



1. A real proposal
“His proposal was amazing! He actually got down on one knee and, while looking straight into my eyes, said: “Will you marry me?” Then he handed me a diamond ring!” (31-years-old/Japanese, 34-year-old/English)

2. Flattering text messages
“His texts always start with ‘To the most beautiful girl in the world’. I think being able to use a phrase like that naturally is something only foreigners can do.” (26/Japanese, 29/Spain)

3. Makeup flowers
“He sends a bouquet of flowers to my apartment or work after we get in a fight. It’s embarrassing but I think it’s sweet.” (29/Japanese, 27/English)

4. Mornings just like in the movies
“On days off he makes breakfast for me while I’m still in bed and wakes me up by kissing me while saying ‘Hurry, I want to see myself in those beautiful eyes’. It’s like something from a movie scene, I never thought I’d experience it myself.” (33/Japanese, 37/French)

5. A flower for every occasion
“Our first meal together, the first time we held hands: he uses every ‘first’ we share as an opportunity to slip me a flower.” (30/Japanese, 28/Greek)

6. Leaving his love in a letter
“Since he has to leave for work early in the morning, he always leaves me a letter with a short message. I feel his love for me in his handwriting.” (28/Japanese, 26/Chinese)

7. Saying “I love you” on the phone
“He always says ‘I love you’ before hanging up the phone. I still haven’t gotten used to it and it’s embrassing.” (29/Japanese, 26/American)

8. The first and last bite
“He’s so kind, it drives me absolutely crazy for him. I was especially surprised at how he always gives me the first and last bite when we share food.” (32/Japanese, 27/Korean)

9. Eat, sleep, breathe, kiss
“He kisses my over 10 times a day while whispering words of affection. It’s just natural for him.” (36/Japanese, 32/Italian)

10. Pet names
“There are many different words to express affection in his language. Even when simply addressing me, he tenderly calls me ‘my love’ or ‘my treasure’. (34/Japanese, 38/French)


By contrast, Japanese men are known for being shy and inept at expressing their feelings to women. Therefore many Japanese women fear that dating a Japanese man will bring them a life of monotony, with no romantic proposals (some Japanese men propose by asking “will you make me miso soup for the rest of my life?”) and never once being told “I love you”.

So what do you guys and girls think? Are Japanese girls getting too worked up over cheesy romance or should Japanese guys start taking lessons before it’s too late?




Source: Gow Magazine via japantoday

chochajin 10th-Jul-2012 01:26 pm (UTC)
Well, I think location is definitely an issue.
I've never lived in a big city, alway inaka only.
Apart from that I think my busy lifestyle also adds to it.
Furthermore, all the guys, Japanese or foreign, I get to know are already married or have a girlfriend.
nova_usagi 10th-Jul-2012 07:03 pm (UTC)
Yeah, the marriage thing is an issue. I don`t live in a small town now, but half the foreign and Japanese guys who hit on me are married or have girlfriends. :/

It`s probably that you`re live in a small town, like you mentioned. It`s harder to run into truly single guys around 30 in smaller towns, I`m sure.

You should try goukon. The success rate concerning finding someone to seriously date is low, but it helps you meet mostly single people and it`s fun if you don`t take it so seriously.
chochajin 11th-Jul-2012 02:47 am (UTC)
I think it's also my work schedule. I never come home before 10pm. In order to join a gokon or go to a bar, I'd need to go to the next bigger city and so I wouldn't arrive there before 11pm or so.
nova_usagi 11th-Jul-2012 04:50 am (UTC)
I used to live in a town of less than 90 thousand people which is small for Japan, and I usually wouldn`t get to bars until around 11 or later. You can still meet people, but I agree that it's harder.

You have to have some time of sometime, though. Like work finishing earlier on Saturday or Sunday off or something? If you can make the time I highly recommend trying it.

chochajin 11th-Jul-2012 04:53 am (UTC)
I've never lived in a city with more then 90.000 people ... ^-^;; ...

Well, wouldn't you usually go to a gokon with some of your female friends? I just moved and don't know anybody around here yet. And all of my co-workers are twice my age and have daughters my age ^-^;; ...
nova_usagi 11th-Jul-2012 05:34 am (UTC)
Actually, sometimes you don`t really know the other female participants. A third party person or two often find participants for the event. The first time I did it, it was 5 and 5 and I only knew one of the girls. The manager of the dining bar put it together, because me and other girls said we wanted to participate in goukon. I went to a larger run ran by the same place and knew a portion of the women as customers but didn`t know most of the guys.

Restaurants and dining/cafe bars will sometimes throw events that people can sign up to attend. Another place I know has large ones (like 50 or 60 people) every once and a while and people just sign up for it.

I`m assuming your Japanese is adequate enough to take part in random conversations with women about dating, ideals, hang ups and participate in goukon, so...

First step is meeting people around your age, namely Japanese women, right. At least some of them will be single and really itching to find someone to date, if not marry. And a good way to meet girls like that is to frequent an establishment that has a bar area (like a restaurant but not a shot bar) and good looking guys behind the counter. Chances are the target is women in their later 20s up until mid 40s.

If you go by yourself and sit at the counter, Japanese people can approach you. You can get to know the people working there so they can introduce you to other customers (that mostly will be women). You`ve been asked if you have a boyfriend and if you`re open to dating Japanese men many times in the past, I`m sure. As you probably already know, talking about being single or wanting a significant other is completely acceptable. You can bring up that you would like to meet some guys, experience goukon, etc.

You can do it! And you don`t have to drink booze if you don`t want to, not everyone drinks alcohol anyway. ;)
chochajin 11th-Jul-2012 04:06 pm (UTC)
Thanks for all the suggestions.
I don't know any bars, pubs or whatever. I'm usually not the type to go to those all by myself and like I said I don't know anybody here yet.
I'm trying hard to get to know people my age, but it's hard.
I have the mornings off, but joining any kind of activity (fitness studio, community center) won't help as there are mainly obaachans around.

My Japanese is pretty decent, yes. I have absolutely no problem communicating in Japanese only. I do it every day with my co-workers at work anyways.

I'm not desperately looking for somebody, though.
I'm not at the point where I want to go out of my way just to meet somebody.

I'm probably not staying that much longer in Japan anyways. I've been here much, MUCH longer than I originally planned to anyways.

We'll see what happens.
Really thanks for all the advice! ^-^
nova_usagi 12th-Jul-2012 02:59 am (UTC)
Oh okay, no problem. Thanks for being patient with me even though I was giving you advice you don`t need. I`m so used to girls (Japanese and foreign) who`re single around my age talking about how badly they want to improve their dating lives that I just assume everyone feels that way.

I`ve only been in Japan for about 3 years and about 2 years ago I moved from a city of under 90 thousand to one of 300 thousand. But all of my friends I were close to were back in the smaller town and I was only going to the school and gym and not eating out the first half year in the new town. I wasn`t meeting people and felt very isolated. But then I started to eat out once and a while and I made friends with the people who worked at the restaurants and they helped introduce me to customers around my age, etc.
chochajin 12th-Jul-2012 04:36 am (UTC)
No, I really appreciate your advice, really! ^-^
It was interesting! :)
And who knows, right?

I wonder what kind of restaurants those were. When I'm traveling (and I'm traveling a lot) I often am in restaurants and stuff, but I rarely get to know people and if I do it's usually just the same old conversation.
nova_usagi 12th-Jul-2012 08:15 am (UTC)
- You have to frequent a place a few times.
- The place needs to be like an izakaya, cafe bar, or dining bar that is open until at least 12 or 1am on weekdays and a little later on weekends and has a semi-decent amount of traffic.
- The counter and table seating needs to be in the same area that can fit 30-60 people. Or iv the counter area is separate from seating, the counter seating area should be close to the entrance by the kitchen area so people entering can see you and the people working there will hang out in that space.
- The people working there need to be in their 20s and 30s.
- And the rest is you.

- If you go early on weekdays, there may be no one there, but that also means the people working there will be bored and might want to chat with you more.
- If you go during later hours on a Friday or Saturday, you will run into people off work and groups doing drinking parties or after drinking parties.
- Being by yourself at the counter helps increase the chance that someone will talk to you.
- The generic questions will always come. Just got to ask them questions and get onto certain topics.
chochajin 14th-Jul-2012 02:07 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the great advice! :)
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